Just as your best days aren’t perfect, your best seasons won’t be free of discomfort. It may be tough to understand in the midst of uncertainty, but challenging periods serve a purpose beyond the immediate pain. So, resist the urge to fight against the current and allow each season to unfold.
Read MoreLetting go is not a failure, but a brave acknowledgment that sometimes love, no matter how genuine, needs to evolve. In the midst of this ache, I encourage you to embrace the pain as part of your healing journey. It's okay to mourn the future you once envisioned, to grieve the shared dreams now taking different paths. You're not breaking; you're breaking through to a truer version of love and life. Release the guilt; you're not betraying love. You’re discovering the beauty found in letting go.
Read MoreWhat if I intentionally invest my time into exploring opportunities to grow, expand my perspective and discover my full potential. What if I simply stopped only considering and started doing. What if I actually begin living the life I imagine.
Read MoreEasing into the solitude is not always easy. Sometimes I find myself searching for ways to fill the silence, rather than welcoming the opportunity to sit with my thoughts and feelings. As I lean into it, I am discovering new interests and new ways of being. I am slowing discovering me.
Read MoreThis blog took a while to finish. Not because of the length, but because there are layers to this pain that have yet to be called forward for a reckoning. There were moments when the magnitude of the emotions became so pungent that I had to step away to sit with them for a while; to allow them to spill, even if not on these pages. The next stage of my healing journey is forgiveness, this moment is just for the telling.
Read MoreAs we exit the holidays, many of us are feeling a little melancholy at the notion of re-engaging with our normal routines. It’s as if we believe that January 1st means packing up all our joy and tucking it away until we are allowed to experience it again. Why do we only hold tight to the spirit for a season? Would it really diminish the value of the holiday if we embraced the good it brings, not just for two months, but year-round?
Read MoreI am not the same person I was a year ago, and that awareness brings me joy. I am proud of the woman I am now, and I am already proud of the one I am becoming. I am so excited about how much more there still is for me to learn. People pleasing is no longer an option. My primary goal is to live a life that belongs to me; one that does not require me to shrink or deny any aspect of myself to make others feel comfortable. I am ready to greet 2022 and continue with my deliberate pursuit of joy.
Read MoreTo anyone already in that dark place or can feel the shadow looming, I offer encouragement. I understand that you may be feeling lost, unseen, empty or even angry. Just trust that those feelings are temporary. Do not ignore your hard days. You cannot work through an emotion without acknowledging the feeling. Fight the urge to withdraw into yourself and allow loved ones to support you. Those moments in the light are exactly what you will need to pull you out when the darkness returns.
Read MoreI wish someone had told me that the hardest part of motherhood is not when your children get older, but instead, it is having to acknowledge when they have grown up. How do I accept that my role is changing as I see their dependence on me gradually waning? I know that life lessons come with some bumps and bruises, but I don’t know if I am prepared to watch them stumble much less fall. I can only take comfort in knowing that I have prepared them the best I know how.
Read MoreEach of us have a self-portrait, which is a continuous work in progress, being painted with our personal experiences. Unfortunately, some people are only able to see the strokes which create feelings of self-doubt and hopelessness. The best way to support someone with this limited outlook is to help them see the other hues in their portrait. In other words, self-examination is the first step to self-understanding, and ultimately change. Help them to know that they are fully equipped to change their circumstances, but change will only respond to desire, self-examination and action. Most of us have experienced something that we thought would break us. However, we survived it, learned from it, grew through it and became better because of it. It is not that we do not see the bruises in our portraits, but instead of viewing them as a condemnation, we honor them as a testament of our strength and ability to overcome.
Read MoreI am emancipated from the self-defeating need to constantly be busy and have embraced the exquisiteness of doing nothing at all. I am finally learning to live and love myself in the present, not on a schedule. I challenge you to give yourself permission to do the same. Put yourself first and do whatever is necessary to preserve your emotional well-being consistently. Life happens every day whether you show up for it or not. Find your sweet spot and love on yourself every day, not just on Self-Care Sunday.
Read MoreSince our individual needs are unique, self-care does not look the same for everyone. So, it’s important to determine what will work for you. Begin by evaluating your specific needs, habits, time and financial considerations. The goal is not to cram every free minute with fun filled activities. Nor is it to spend money simply for a short-lived high. Instead, it is to develop and nurture behaviors which contribute to a sustained healthier lifestyle. When scheduling your outings, work your way into finding a comfortable pace. Too many commitments, even enjoyable ones, can result in burnout. It is also important to ensure that the cost, financial or otherwise, doesn’t increase or create stress.
Read More2020 taught me that a lot can happen in a very short period of time and I should take nothing or no one for granted, because the unimaginable can become a reality. It revealed just how much is out of my control, so every breath is a gift, and in that truth I find peace. But, perhaps the most valuable lesson was to identify and embrace what brings me joy, and then intentionally and relentlessly chase after it.
Read MoreAt the end of the day, I believe that we all experience similar joys and pains. I also believe that the best way to honor someone’s journey is to embrace them with love and support exactly where they are; to be willing to sit in their uncomfortable spaces. No one should be shamed into suffering in silence. No one should resort to putting up smokescreens to hide pain and insecurities. No one should fear judgement for admitting that they still have some shit to figure out because we all do. That’s what life is about. When you refuse to acknowledge your true self — to concede that you still have work to do — you impede your growth by delaying or even blocking your full potential.
Read MoreBecoming is journey of self-discovery and transformation, not an assignment with an absolute due date. This is the time you’ve been given to nurture yourself — to simply be. Don’t force yourself to do anything because of what everyone else is doing. Your path and timing are unique to you. Allow your mind to purge the waste and permit the things and people that should go to do so. Give yourself permission to grow and evolve.
Read MoreSo many of us are still stifling that woman inside crying out for liberation. We find it so easy to confront a man when he causes us pain but are still reluctant to be candid about our emotional and physical needs at the onset of the relationship. As women, we are sometimes programmed to believe that our pleasure comes from satisfying our man. We’re not expected to discuss sexual inclinations because this creates the appearance of promiscuity. So, we learn to play the game of pretense. You know the one where you act as if you’ve never done it before but you’re willing to try it for him. Why isn’t more acceptable for a woman to lead her man to new sexual experiences?
Read MoreDespite what your hatred allows you to see, the black men I know are the embodiment of strength and resilience. It takes a lot of strength to get up every day and continue pushing forward despite knowing that there’s an ever-present, hidden pull designed to impede any success. But they do it knowing and accepting that this means they have to work harder than most. It takes a lot of courage to counter disrespect with civility and, in some instances, even kindness. Know that this is a true demonstration of strength, not weakness. They understand that hatred is a representation of fear, so they will not reciprocate because they know that to fear is to give up total control. What they have is a clear understanding of the reality they live in.
Read MoreAs women, we sometimes assume the burden of trying to love men into being a different version of themselves — the version we envision. We believe that we should ride out the ugly parts because we’re conditioned not give up on those we love. Back then, I was simply walking away from a situation that had just become too painful to remain in. It took years to understand that I was actually freeing us both to discover ourselves. Allowing someone to walk their path, even if it doesn’t include you, is the greatest expression of love.
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