Faith Without Work Is Dead

It’s been said that in order to help someone you must be willing to meet them where they are. The idea being that empathy for an individual’s personal circumstances enables one to be better equipped to provide support. While this sounds good in theory, practical application can sometimes be a very challenging prospect. We all have that one friend in our tribe who simply does not want to grow or elevate above their circumstances. Even though they express wanting more, it seems they have made being miserable and bitter a lifestyle. They have mastered the art of speaking faith and positivity while their spirit treads a path of pure pessimism. So, how do you support someone who does not see how cynical and discouraged they have become.

Each of us have a self-portrait, which is a continuous work in progress, being painted with our personal experiences. Unfortunately, some people are only able to see the strokes which create feelings of self-doubt and hopelessness. The best way to support someone with this limited outlook is to help them see the other hues in their portrait. In other words, self-examination is the first step to self-understanding, and ultimately change. Help them to know that they are fully equipped to change their circumstances, but change will only respond to desire, self-examination and action. Most of us have experienced something that we thought would break us. However, we survived it, learned from it, grew through it and became better because of it. It is not that we do not see the bruises in our portraits, but instead of viewing them as a condemnation, we honor them as a testament of our strength and ability to overcome.

While I always try to be empathetic and supportive, I am simply not the friend who is willing to wallow in self-pity with anyone. I can appreciate the need to vent and expel the emotions, after-all we all share a basic need to be heard and have our pain validated. However, once that venting period is done, conversations should shift to focusing on a solution. A genuine friend does not engage in or support behaviors which prevents forward movement. Supportive relationships inspire growth, not impede it by enabling actions which breed self-destruction. 

My upbringing instilled the belief that, with faith, anything is possible. Maturity and taking the time to get to know myself and work through my own issues have educated me on the meaning of “faith without works is dead” (James 2:14). So, while it may be important to meet friends where they are, it is never healthy to stay there with them. Understand that some have lived in a toxic environment for far too long, and it is all they know. They may want to move, but do not know how to begin. Support them by tempering truth with understanding and direction, but the rest is up to them. Remember, though you can support someone with their healing, the only person you can heal is yourself.